How to turn your dream life into reality even if you live with anxiety
Living with anxiety can be like having your own built-in bully reminding you of how inadequate you think you are, every past mistake and guilting you for everything all the time.
Maybe you tend to think about how you used to be before your anxiety became unbearable or was triggered, and maybe you guilt yourself for not being like that now.
The truth is that life has changed you, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
You are wiser and smarter now than you ever were, and even though you might yearn for the days when you felt stronger than you do now, you are who you are because it’s your way of coping.
There is no shame in that and you don't need to be hard on yourself because of it.
If you're at the point where you feel that you're at an all-time low, try to look on the positive side. This is an ideal opportunity for you to recreate yourself.
You can take this chance to figure out who you are now and what you want to become in the not too distant future.
When you constantly remind yourself of your pain you’re really holding onto the pain and relive it every time you think about it. All that pain feeds into your anxiety, making it worse.
But, when you keep your eye on the future instead of the past you’ll find that you’ll begin healing too.
How and why it works
Somehow, somewhere we made up our minds that we need to stay who and how we are. We started to believe that our minds are rigid and unchanging. We tell ourselves that ‘I’ve always been like this’ and use that as a reason to stagnate.
But the reality is that the mind is more amazing and powerful than we give it credit for. The mind adapts and changes as our situations change. (If it didn't we wouldn’t be able to learn new things. ) These adaptations can come across as habits or character traits.
So, when you say things like ‘I’ve always been this way’ you are actually saying ‘ My habits control me’.
These habits may be the way you see the world, how you interact with people and even how you see yourself. The problem is that a lot of these habits were created as a reaction to a bad situation and this is where you anxiety came from.
For example, you might have learned that by not showing your emotions, you didn't trigger the narcissistic abuser in your life. Now, years later, you just assume that you're cold or battle with emotions, when really it was this coping mechanism, this habit that stuck.
You have been allowing your habits to control your life and create your life for you. So, while they helped you survive and cope when things got tough, they wont be ideal for your growth now.
Changing your story to live your ideal life
You can control your habits.
To start living the life you want to, and designing your future for yourself, you need to start at your foundations - your actions, routines and habits.
Allowing your mind to learn new helpful habits will hep you replace the bad ones that formed automatically because of your anxiety.
When it comes to rediscovering who you really are, beyond your anxiety I find that there are generally 3 steps to this process.
Step 1 - getting to KNOW yourself again.
Step 2 - creating the new you.
Step 3 - Living the new you.
Step 1 - Getting to know yourself again
Do you ever get so caught up in living your daily life and trying to be the ‘best version’ of yourself that you forget who the real you really is?
You’re not alone.
But, when you have an anxiety disorder, this becomes even more complex. Your anxious mind tells you to be afraid of so much you can easily lose sight of where your anxiety ends and where you begin.
This is why it helps to figure out who you are right now, before you try to change.
So how do you figure out who you are without your anxiety?
Explore and experiment.
Give yourself a chance to get to know yourself. What is it that you like or don't like? What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing when you’re alone and don't have to compromise?
This is how you begin the journey of self discovery.
If you have a journal, create an entry where you answer some simple questions about yourself. Then, bookmark it so that you can come back to it later.
Step 2 - creating the new you
Most of us look back at who we once were, and wish that we were that person again.
We imagine that life was better back then, that we were somehow better.
But if you stop to think about it, then you'll realise that that way of thinking is total BS.
No, you’re not the same person that you were years ago, you’re much better.
You have been through more and learned so much along the way. Even if you don't see it, you are stronger than you were then.
So, instead of looking back and wishing for the past, celebrate your strengths now. Then, try creating a future you can look forward to.
You can't do anything about the past, but you can do something about the future. And now is the ideal time and opportunity to start creating the life you deserve.
You can start by asking yourself a few questions
- What will your ideal life look like?
- What will it feel like being your ideal you?
- What do your ideal days, weeks and months look like?
- What exciting things would you like to do?
- What new work projects would you like to participate in?
This is the starting point.
Now, you need to figure out how to get there.
You do this by asking yourself:
- What do you need to do to make these ideas a reality?
Give yourself some time to think about the answer to this. You don't have to come up with all the answers all at once either, take it one question at a time, one day at a time, and meditate on it over a couple of days to find your answers.
You can do things like have a morning and evening routine that corresponds to your new life. Do you want to be the type of person who jogs every morning? Set an alarm for a few minutes earlier than normal, and work that jog into your schedule. (tip: having a habit tracker helps you establish those habits)
It’s that easy, and that difficult.
Setting up new habits and routines requires discipline, especially at first. The trick is to stick with it until you feel those new patterns becoming ingrained into you. They will become habits that you will do automatically and without thinking about them.
Step 3 - living the new you
Now that you know what your starting point is, where you want to go with your life, and how to get there, you need to start living it.
Yes, this is one of those 'it's more difficult than it sounds' scenarios, but that's why habits are so important. You've decided what you want to change in your life, that's great, but willpower alone isn't going to make that happen. You need a constant reminder of why these changes are so important to you.
Vision boards will help to keep you focused. They remind you of what your dream life looks like and why it's so important to you. The pictures and inspiring quotes, let you tap into the inspiration you felt when you made it. That inspiration gives you the strength to stay disciplined and focused until those habits are established.
Write down all those new habits you want to create and the changes that you need to make to your life in order to create your dream life, and work on them one by one. It may take some time before you start seeing results, but keep at it and believe in yourself.
All good things take time.
Your anxiety doesn't have to hold you back from living your dream life. While you may need to figure out new ways of doing things and ways to work around your anxiety, you can do this.
You are stronger than you think, and you are in control. Give yourself permission to live your best life, and give yourself a chance.
If you want to get the exact steps I took to conquer procrastination, get more focused in life and find my purpose I’ve put it all in the “Unleash Your Potential” book bundle.
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