How building up your self-confidence helps with your anxiety and depression
When you apply yourself, learn new things and celebrate your achievements you are developing your sense of self, you are changing the way you see yourself. And when you do that you take back the control that your anxiety and depression stole from you. You are effectively taking back your life.
There is a way to start managing and diminishing your anxiety and depression that doesn't require you to focus on them at all.
It all starts when you understand that your anxiety and depression are NOT your personality. They are an ailment that you live with, but they don't make up your personality any more than diabetes makes up the personality of a diabetic.
When this realisation sinks in you can start to heal from them.
How though?
By focusing on yourself and your future self, not your anxiety and depression.
How do they hold you back?
Anxiety and depression hold you back in life by convincing you that there is no future for you AT ALL. You start to believe that you are useless and that the only thing that matters is the pain you feel here and now.
The pain that you feel draws you in so deep that you don't feel like there is any way to escape, and so you give up trying.
Even when you try to heal you tend to focus only on the pain you’ve been through and the pain that you’re feeling right now.That pain takes over who you are, your dreams, your future and it feels impossible to overcome.
Anxiety and depression become such an all encompassing part of your life that you can’t see a future without them. So, you start planning your future with them in mind.
Thinking of travelling? Your anxiety tells you that you won't be able to because you’ll have a panic attack on your trip.
Thinking of applying for a new job? Your depression will convince you that you won't get it or you won't fit in because you’re too depressed.
It’s a vicious cycle because the more you allow them to hold you back the worse you feel about yourself, and the worse you feel about yourself the worse your anxiety and depression get.
So how do you break the cycle?
Getting out of that space won't be easy and the route may sound counterintuitive at first but it’s the most effective strategy out there.
It involves building yourself up and focusing on the future.
This will feel counterintuitive at first, and you may think it isn't working, but you need to trust the process here.
The whole point is to pull yourself out of the pain you’re in right now and remind yourself that there is a future worth living and something to get excited about.
If you feel that your anxiety and depression has taken over your life, then you need to work on creating a new life that doesn't include anxiety or depression at all. That means not doing anything that your anxiety and depression tell you are ok to do.
No more spending the weekend in bed, you’ll need to make plans and get out of the house. No more ignoring your dreams because you don't feel god enough, you need to chase them with everything in you
When you do this you start to reprogram the way you think about yourself. You start to feel more and more capable and empowered and you prove your anxiety and depression wrong.
It’s not easy and you’ll need to fight the self-defeating thoughts that pop up 100 times a day, but the more you practice it the less those self-defeating thoughts pop up. Eventually, instead of 100 times a day they might only pop up once or twice - which is totally normal and manageable.
How though?
So what’s the secret sauce that will help you do all this. I bet you guessed it from the title of this article.
Self-confidence
You may be thinking that self-confidence is something that you’re born with and if you’re not born with it you’ll never have it, but that's a lie.
You can build up your self confidence like a muscle. But just like any muscle you need to start small.
You can start by setting small goals and working towards them every day till you achieve them. Then you start setting bigger goals and achieve those new goals too.
Eventually you’ll get to the point where you’re ready to create life changing giant goals, tackle them and actually achieve them.
How and why it works
When you give your mind something positive to focus on like achieving a goal that builds your self-confidence it has no time to focus on your anxiety or pain and eventually you’ll find that you don't think about them that often.
You teach your brain that it’s ok to move on with your life, and not let that pain consume your life.
Building your self-confidence also gives you the strength to start trying new things that you always convinced yourself were out of your reach. You start to believe in yourself more and you start to see that all the self doubt that came with your anxiety and depression was completely unjustified.
It's a liberating feeling and best of all it’s easy to achieve.
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