4 ways to boost your self-confidence and how this helps with your anxiety and depression
About 6 years ago my self-confidence was at al all-time low and it was seriously affecting my life. I was too afraid to live any part of my life and only wanted to hide in my bed all day. The world felt like a scary place and I felt completely hopeless. I was convinced that no one loved me and that I was useless as a person.
It took me years to eventually come out of that horrible place completely, but as I started to work on myself I began to see the vicious cycle that I was in.
My anxiety and depression were the ones telling me that I was unloved ( even though I have a loving and understanding family) and that I was useless (even though I was getting distinctions in the degree I was working towards).
I began to realise that I was telling myself these lies. And the more I believed them, the more I acted accordingly and the more true they felt.
It was a cycle, and I was stuck in it.
When I finally realised that, I also realised that I needed to figure out a way to get out of it. I needed to figure out how to get my self-confidence back so that I could get my life back.
I started challenging those false beliefs one by one. I started small but each baby step in the right direction brought me closer to my healing.
It didn't take long until I started seeing results. My self-confidence began to come back. I learned how to manage my anxiety, and my depression began to lift.
So how did I do it?
I challenged those self-destructive thoughts that were holding me back like my life depended on it, (because in a way, it did)
If you live with anxiety and or depression then chances are that your self-confidence has taken a knock over the years too.
It can be so easy to believe your anxious mind when it breaks you down and reminds you of all your failures and insecurities and tells you that this is who you are.
But if you have any hope of healing, you need to keep one thing in mind.
Your past doesn't define you!!
If you want to overcome that anxious voice then the first thing you need to do is stop listening to it. Then you need to prove it wrong.
You need to PROVE to yourself that you are worth it and that you have value.
Your self-confidence is deeply linked to how you see yourself. So when you change the way you see yourself you can begin to develop your self-confidence and self-esteem.
There are a few strategies that helped me get this right, and the best part is that they are super easy to do too.
Ready?
1- set a goal, then work towards it
I found that the very first step to healing and re-developing my self-confidence began with having goals. When you are in a deep depression this can feel like a mountain of a task, but trust me it will be worth it.
These goals can be anything at all, as long as they matter to you even a little.
If you've always wanted to learn to knit or play the guitar or draw, that can be your ‘intro goal’. Get a book or get on Youtube and learn something new, learn a new skill.
If you just want to get a bit fitter or start walking more, that will work too.
Any goal will do here.
The thing is, when you’re trapped in a hopeless situation, you need a win. You need to prove to yourself that you are worth it and that you are capable of achieving a goal.
Break the goal into tiny bits. So if you want to learn to knit, set your goal at learning the basics.
As you begin to achieve even the tiniest goal your self-esteem and self-confidence begins to grow.
It’s like building a sandcastle using a styrofoam cup. Every heap of sand you place down grows that castle just a tiny bit more.
But there’s one more thing to remember:
A dream without a deadline stays a dream.
So, don't forget to set a deadline.
Here goes...
Why are deadlines so important?
Without a deadline, those goals or dreams will never get released. A deadline is there to remind you of what you are working towards. It also gives you an ‘endpoint’ to that tiny goal. Without this, you could be working on that goal forever and still believe you are no good.
But when you have a small goal and a deadline, and you achieve that goal in that deadline, you can allow yourself to be proud of yourself.
You achieve a personal win and with each little personal win, your self-confidence gets stronger and stronger. That castle grows.
A lot of people get overexcited at this stage, they dream up these incredible goals with unrealistic deadlines. The result is they end up not achieving those goals in the tiny time frame they gave themselves.
Can you guess what happens?
You guessed it, this knocks down their self-esteem and self-confidence even more. It reinforces those anxious and depressed negative voices and feeds into that spiral.
How do you create achievable goals with specific and realistic deadlines?
Believe it or not, there is a science to creating goals and setting the perfect deadline.
It involves taking your own ability into account first.
Before you begin setting your deadlines think about how fast you can learn a new skill. If it usually takes you a while, then you’ll need to break your goals down into smaller bite-sized chunks that you can handle.
When you set your deadlines aim for 2-week intervals.
If you don't give yourself enough time you will fail and this will break you down. If you give yourself too much time you can easily lose focus and motivation for that goal, abandon it and reinforce your belief that you can’t do anything right.
I find that 2 weeks for a ‘project’ is the perfect amount of time. Work at your goal every single day for those 2 weeks and take no more than 1-day break if you need to. This way you’ll keep your momentum and motivation up till the deadline.
Once you achieved your goal by its deadline there is one more important step:
Celebrate!!
Think of ways you will reward yourself for achieving that goal by its deadline. This can be anything from taking yourself out for dinner or treating yourself with something special from the mall. It’s up to you.
I like to bake a batch of brownies and spend and evening binge-watching something I’ve been wanting to see.
It is so important to acknowledge and celebrate any and every achievement you make. When you allow yourself to feel proud of yourself you prove your self defeating, negative voice wrong.
You can even keep a journal where you track your wins throughout the year.
When you acknowledge your achievements you help build up your self-confidence.
I find that goals are a really powerful tool when it comes to building up your self-confidence because you can easily track your progress as you complete tasks and overcome obstacles. Allow yourself to feel proud of yourself and whenever you hit a target make sure to celebrate it and reward yourself.
2 - use your talents
This one is pretty simple and straightforward. When you use your talents you feel good about yourself, and even more so if you can link them with a goal.
We get so used to pushing our talents aside because we have ‘more important things to do’.
But when you use and develop your talents you also develop your self-confidence.
So, if you really want to develop your self-confidence, give yourself time for your talents.
Even if it’s just an hour a week, doing what you love and are good at will help boost your self-confidence and develop your self-esteem.
3 - Help others
Have you ever noticed how good it feels when you help others out? You feel proud of the person you are and the difference you’ve made.
Harness this feeling by making an effort to help people out when you can.
It doesn't even have to be massive things like running a soup kitchen, it can be basic, small things like helping out the new person in your office. Everyone around you needs help in some form or another.
It’s important to remember that when you help someone out, you shouldn’t do it expecting anything in return. You may not even get a thank you. This doesn't mean you should stop helping people in general (that’s more of a reflection on that person than on your kindness). You are helping them for yourself. To feel proud of who you are as a person.
4 - learn something new, constantly
Learning is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself. As you learn, you grow and this develops your self-confidence and self-esteem too. Learning something new gives you a natural high, especially when it's something you can apply to your daily life.
When we think of learning we often think of a formal university course, but learning can take many forms. You could take an informal online course through sites like udemy and skillshare to learn something useful for work. Or, you could take a course in cooking to learn how to make your favourite meals.
You don't even need to spend much money to learn something new, you could buy a book to learn a new skill like playing the guitar (or better still, borrow it from the library). Anything goes, as long as you are using your mind you will find that your self-esteem and self-confidence starts improving.
Your new skill doesn't have to be work-related either. Pick something you enjoy and learn more about that. And if you can link it to a talent that you already have, and a goal that you’ve just set, then that’s even more powerful.
Your self-esteem and self-confidence are deeply linked to how you see yourself. It goes far beyond looking good in a pair of jeans, it’s about how you feel as a person and the value you give yourself.
So when you apply yourself, learn new things and celebrate your achievements you are developing your sense of self, you are changing the way you see yourself.
If you want to discover the strategy that took me from totally overwhelmed to laser-focused every day i spill all my secrets in my ebook, "Self-care for your Mental Health" . This is where I'll show you how to avoid anxiety and achieve your goals without triggering your anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.
If you’re ready to learn how to nourish your mind and body, boost your self-esteem and take control of your mental health too then my “Thriving from Within” ebook bundle is exactly what you need.
Packed with easy-to-follow, step-by-step guides and invaluable printables, this ebook bundle will help you Revamp Your Mindset and boost your self-care routine.
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