7 ways you're sabotaging your happiness and how to stop
We all want our slice of happiness, I mean who doesn't want to be happy right? So then why is it so hard to find that happiness? Why does finding real lasting happiness feel like chasing a rainbow?
The simplified answer is that we're chasing the wrong idea of happiness.
Life isn't about chasing some idea of the ‘perfect’ life, with a big house lots of gadgets and 3 kids. There are plenty of people out there with all these things who are still incredibly miserable. Why? Because real happiness comes from within.
Real happiness is closer than you think. It comes from within you and how you choose to see the world and what you choose to focus on.
Your mind creates the reality you live in, so if you only see the negatives in the world, that’s the version you’ll get. But, if you focus on the beauty and joy in the world too, then you’ll experience that as well.
So, how do you find this internal happiness? You'll need to work through any obstacles that may be holding you back from your own happiness.
So, what are these obstacles?
1 - Self-sabotage
Self-sabotage is easily one of the most frustrating obstacles to success you can encounter. You work your heart out setting up and creating everything you need to succeed at your project, only to find yourself stalling like an at the last minute with nothing holding you back but yourself. You may not even know you are doing it too.
Self-sabotage can be a terribly destructive force in your life. You can find a solution to almost any external obstacle, but what do you do when you are your own obstacle? How on earth do you fix that?
How do you stop self-sabotage?
The first thing you need to do is to figure out how your self-sabotage manifests. Then you need to confront it head-on and break the lies that your fearful mind has told you.
Self-sabotage can take many forms, but for most people, it takes the form of self-doubt, procrastination, or limiting beliefs.
Self-doubt
This is when you convince yourself that you aren't good enough for the job or task at hand. You convince yourself that you can't do it and that someone else is better at it than you.
The real truth is that we are all learning, growing beings, and if there’s something you don't know, you can always look it up and learn how to do it.
It may be true that others in your field know more than you, but that's no reason to quit. They all started where you are right now, and they made sure they learned everything they needed to to get to where they are now, and they did it the hard way.
Instead of feeling intimidated by them, get inspired. find out how they did it and follow their example. Think of this as a learning opportunity rather than an obstacle.
Procrastination
Procrastination often comes from fear and self-doubt. You become so afraid of making mistakes and failing that you put off your tasks as much as possible.
You find creative ways to keep yourself busy, while the guilt you feel for not doing it piles up (and eventually eats away at your self esteem).
To successfully overcome your habit of procrastination you need to figure out why you are procrastinating in the first place.
When you know where your procrastination is coming from, you can address it by exploring ways to solve the problem.
So, for example, if you're procrastinating because you're just totally overwhelmed by the amount of new information you need to take in with your new task, break it ip into bite sized chunks.
Tell yourself that you don't need to do it all at once, you can tackle one aspect of the new project a day. This way the work wont seem so overwhelming and you will make progress without getting overwhelmed.
Limiting beliefs
This is when you believe that you will fail before you’ve even begun. It can also manifest as the feeling that the path you’re on won't take you very far.
The thing with the universe is that you never know what’s around the next corner. You never know what opportunities will fall into your path tomorrow, and unless you keep an eye out for them you might miss them completely.
The best way to overcome this fear of failure is to ignite that passion you felt when you first had your idea, and ignore the looming doubt that comes up.
Learn and grow so that you can overcome any obstacle that you may face, but approach your task with that excited energy you first felt.
It might be difficult at first to ignore the limiting beliefs, but remind yourself that you can learn to overcome any obstacle that comes your way.
Let your passion fuel your energy.
2 - Your mindset and happiness
When you live with anxiety and depression it can be very easy to get stuck in an 'either/or' mentality.
You think that you either succeed or you don't. You’re either happy or you’re not.
A fixed mindset tells you that there is no hope and that you will not succeed. It tells you that you’re not capable of handling the task ahead.
This is a flawed mindset.
If you ever want to find happiness then you need to realise that the world is full of grey areas.
Happiness doesn't come from what you have, who you know, where you go or even the ones you love the most. Real, lasting happiness comes from within you and it all begins with how you see the world and how you see yourself.
It’s all about how you view the world. This is what your mindset tells you.
A fixed mindset tells you that there is no hope and that you will not succeed. It tells you that you’re not capable of handling the task ahead.
When you have a growth mindset you realise that you can develop your skills to fix any upcoming problem. You have a more positive outlook on life.
You may not even know you have a fixed mindset until you start exploring what it is you’ve been telling yourself - your internal story.
But once you understand what your fixed mindset beliefs are then you can start challenging them. When you challenge them you begin changing them, you begin changing how you see yourself and how you see the world.
When you realise that you are actually in control of how you see the world, and that there is a way for you to get to your dream life and goals, can start to change your pattern of thinking.
3 - Not doing things that feed your soul
It’s no secret that when you do what you enjoy you feel happier. But somewhere in the madness of the world and everything that’s expected from us, it’s easy to forget about this simple principle.
We invest so much time and energy into everything and everyone around us that we forget to make time for what feeds our soul.
If you want to find your happy space again then you need to make time for things that make you happy. It's as simple as that, and complicated as that.
If you feel lost about what brings you joy now, then it’s a good idea to take some time to reflect. Dig deep and think about what you would like to do to create your own happiness. Don't let yourself get confused by other people’s idea of fun. Be true to you and you alone.
4 - Forgetting to find joy in the big, and small things
This may be one of the most difficult things to get right but if you manage it, it will bring your life peace, meaning and balance that you crave.
Life isn't about chasing some idea of the ‘perfect’ life. There are plenty of people out there with all these things who are still incredibly miserable.
Why?
Because these are all external factors, and real happiness comes from within. It comes from taking pleasure in the small things in life. The things that might seem insignificant right now, can actually help you find happiness in your life.
Happiness comes from feeding your soul, experiencing the world, and using your talents.
Life is about finding what fulfils you, finding your passion and purpose, and when you get that right you find happiness. All the effort you put into finding your passion will be completely worth it.
How do you do this though?
You can look at 2 major aspects of your life:
- your purpose and
- the ‘little joys’ that make up your life.
5 - Neglecting your purpose - forgetting how to find joy through your work.
There are so many people out there who are deeply unhappy with their job or career path. When you consider that you spend at least 8 hours a day at work, then you realise how important it is to find the type of job or career that fulfils you and brings you joy.
Work can be a very rewarding experience in your life, and this in turn creates a sense of happiness and purpose within you.
When you feel useful, needed and rewarded for your efforts, depression starts to take a back seat.
Finding your purpose might take time and effort, but the joy and happiness it adds to your life will be worth all that effort.
How do you find your purpose?
When you feel useful, needed and rewarded for your efforts, depression starts to take a back seat.
While anxiety and depression may never fully disappear, it doesn't need to run your life 24/7. You can create windows of happiness, and the more you work on it the larger those windows will get.
6 - Not seeing the little joys
Have you ever noticed that your happiest memories are of the most random things? You never know when a memory will stick in your mind as a happy moment till years later when you reflect back on it. These are the kind of ‘little joys’ I’m talking about.
They don't make up a massive part of your lives, they don't take giant chunks of your time or effort, but somehow they bring us unbelievable amounts of joy.
While finding a sense of purpose is an important part of finding your happiness, there’s more to life than your work.
There are little things that happen every day that have the potential to bring you moments of joy, if you take the time to notice them, that is.
Anxiety and depression can dull your senses and stop you from seeing these little moments when they happen. But you have the power to change that.
When you make a habit of noticing the beauty around you, you'll start to notice more and more of it.
But you need to make a conscious effort to see all the beauty around you, remember the good memories, embrace the joy of the little things and be grateful for the gifts that you have in your life.
This is where gratitude and being present in the moment comes in.
This might seem difficult at first, especially if you’re used to dwelling on all the things that bring you down, but focusing on the happy moments will actually take your mind away from all the negative thoughts running through your mind.
It gives you a chance to break free of those thoughts and take a break, even for a second.
The best part is that the more you practice focusing on the joyful moments, the easier it will get. Soon enough it will become a habit, shifting the way you see the world and allowing you to be happy at the moment.
It can help if you have some go-to memories to cheer yourself up when your mind is idle. It’s often when your mind has nothing to do that it goes back to what’s familiar. This is usually when painful memories tend to pop up. So, before that even happens, start thinking about things that bring you joy whenever.
Make it a habit whenever your mind is idle.
7 - Comparing yourself to others
A lot of our unhappiness comes from being so obsessed with how others are doing and what they have achieved, that we forget how much we have achieved and how we are doing in life.
You end up comparing their finishing point with your starting point. You might see them succeeding where you fail or compare their end achievement with your progress when you’re only just getting started.
This type of comparison will wear you down and get you nowhere.
The real truth is that everyone encounters difficulties, no one is perfect and no one has it easy.
We all have our strengths and weaknesses. And we all experience difficulties in life, some people just hide it very well.
So, how do you break the habit of comparing yourself to others?
First, you need to remind yourself that we all have different resources and capabilities in life.
We all have our strengths and weaknesses. And we all experience difficulties in life, some people just hide it very well.
This also means that we each have your own unique path or obstacle course in life set out before us.
The second thing you need to do is focus on yourself and your own obstacle course. You need to create blinkers for yourself, where all you see is your own course and your own goals. You need to focus on the resources and capabilities that you have at your disposal, and how you can use them to overcome the obstacles in your life.
When you create this kind of tunnel vision you force yourself to focus on what’s really important. You put your energy into thought patterns that will help you grow and achieve your goals.
And best of all, when you stop comparing yourself to others you stop feeling like a failure, and you stop doubting yourself. You will start to see your wins and create your own happiness.
Happiness isn't found in the things you own, the house you live in or even the people you know. Real happiness comes from within and how you perceive the world.
This also means that when you find it, no one can take it away from you.
Real happiness doesn't just fall into your lap, you need to work on it.
And as you take on all the challenges that life brings you it’s important to remember that another person’s success is not your failure. And another person’s failure is not your success. Life is an all you can eat buffet and you can achieve a win-win.
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