How to boost your self-confidence and manage your anxiety
It’s important to understand that not everyone’s depression is the same and you could have very different results, but the benefits of building up your self-confidence can’t be measured. It’s like freeing yourself from a cage that your fears and doubts anxiety and depression put you in.
So how do you build up your self-confidence to the point where your anxiety and depression don't hold you back anymore?
Well, there are 4 main strategies you could try.
- set a goal, then work towards it.
- Use your talents
- Help others
- learn something new constantly
When you apply these strategies you build up your self-confidence and give your mind something positive to focus on - the future, and yourself.
The best part about these strategies is that you can pace yourself, and move at your own speed and comfort levels.
So how do they work?
1- setting a goal, then working towards it
I found that the very first step to healing and re-developing self-confidence began with having goals.
When you are in a deep depression this can feel like a mountain of a task, but trust me it will be worth it.
These goals can be anything at all, as long as they matter to you, even if it's just a little.
If you've always wanted to learn to knit or play the guitar or draw, that can be your ‘intro goal’. This intro goal is the goal that gets you started on building up your self-confidence so that you can feel strong enough to tackle even bigger goals. Think of it as the first baby step you’ll take towards your healing.
Get a book or get on Youtube and learn something new, learn a new skill. If you just want to get a bit fitter or start walking more, that will work too.
Any goal will do at this point.
If it feels too overwhelming, start by breaking that goal into tiny achievable bits. So if you want to learn to knit, set your goal at learning the basics.
As you begin to achieve even the tiniest goal your self-confidence will begin to grow.
It’s like building a sandcastle using a styrofoam cup. Every heap of sand you place down grows that castle just a tiny bit more.
Why are deadlines so important?
Without a deadline, those goals (or dreams) will never get achieved. A deadline is there to remind you of what you are working towards and to give you an ‘endpoint’ to that tiny goal. Without this, you could be working on that goal forever and still believe you are no good.
But when you have a small goal and a deadline, and you achieve that goal in that deadline you achieve a personal win.
And, with each little personal win, your self-confidence gets stronger and stronger.
Here’s the thing though.
A lot of people get overexcited at this stage, they dream up these incredible goals with unrealistically short deadlines. The result is they end up not achieving those goals in the tiny time frame they gave themselves.
Can you guess what happens?
You guessed it, this knocks down their self-esteem and self-confidence even more. It reinforces those anxious and depressed negative voices and feeds into that spiral.
So, how do you create achievable goals with specific and realistic deadlines?
Believe it or not there is a science to creating goals and setting the perfect deadline.
It involves taking your own ability into account first.
Before you begin setting your deadlines think about how fast you can learn a new skill. If it usually takes you a while, then you’ll need to break your goals down into smaller bite-sized chunks that you can handle.
When you set your deadlines aim for 2-week intervals.
If you don't give yourself enough time you will fail and this will break you down. If you give yourself too much time you can easily lose focus and motivation for that goal, abandon it and reinforce your belief that you can’t do anything right.
I find that 2 weeks for a ‘project’ is the perfect amount of time. Work at your goal every single day for those 2 weeks and take no more than a 1-days break if you need to. This way you’ll keep your momentum and motivation up till the deadline without burning out.
Once you achieved your goal by it's deadline there is one more important step:
Celebrate!!
Think of ways you will reward yourself for achieving that goal by its deadline. This can be anything from taking yourself out for dinner or treating yourself with something special. It’s up to you.
I like to take a day off where I bake a batch of brownies and have a very chilled day binge watching something I’ve been wanting to see for ages.
It’s so important to acknowledge and celebrate any and every achievement you make. When you allow yourself to feel proud of yourself you prove your self-defeating, negative internal voice wrong.
You can even keep a journal where you track your wins throughout the year.
When you acknowledge your achievements you help build up your self-confidence.
I find that goals are a really powerful tool when it comes to building up your self-confidence because you can easily track your progress as you complete tasks and overcome obstacles. Allow yourself to feel proud of yourself and whenever you hit a target make sure to celebrate it and reward yourself.
2 - use your talents
This one is pretty simple and straightforward. When you use your talents you feel good about yourself, and even more so if you can link them with a goal.
We get so used to pushing our talents aside because we have ‘more important things to do’.
But when you use and develop your talents you also develop your self-confidence, and bonus, it’s fun too.
So, if you really want to develop your self-confidence, give yourself time for your talents.
Even if it’s just an hour a week, doing what you love and are good is a super easy way to boost your self-confidence.
3 - Help others
Have you ever noticed how good it feels when you help others out? You feel proud of the person you are and the difference you’ve made.
Harness this feeling by making an effort to help people out when you can.
It doesn't even have to be massive things like running a soup kitchen, it can be basic, small things like helping out the new person in your office. Everyone around you needs help in some form or another.
It’s important to remember that when you help someone out, you shouldn’t do it expecting anything in return. You may not even get a thank you. This doesn't mean you should stop helping people in general (that’s more of a reflection on that person than on your kindness). You are helping them for yourself. To feel proud of who you are as a person.
4 - learn something new, constantly
Learning is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself. As you learn, you grow and this develops your self-confidence.
Learning something new gives you a natural high, especially when it's something you can apply to your daily life.
When we think of learning we often think of a formal university course, but learning can take many forms. You could take an informal online course through sites like udemy and skillshare to learn something useful for work. Or, you could take a course in cooking to learn how to make your favourite meals.
You don't even need to spend much money to learn something new, you could buy a book to learn a new skill like playing the guitar (or better still, borrow it from the library). Anything goes, as long as you are using your mind you will find that your self-esteem and self-confidence starts improving.
Your new skill doesn't have to be work-related either. Pick something you enjoy and learn more about that. And if you can link it to a talent that you already have, and a goal that you’ve just set, then that’s even more powerful.
Your self-confidence is deeply linked to how you see yourself. It goes far beyond looking good in a pair of jeans, it’s about how you feel as a person and the value you give yourself.
So when you apply yourself, learn new things and celebrate your achievements you are developing your sense of self, you are changing the way you see yourself. And when you do that you take back the control that your anxiety and depression stole from you. You are effectively taking back your life.
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