What self care looks like when you live with anxiety and depression
Living with anxiety—and hearing from friends and family who also struggle with anxiety and depression—I’ve come to realize just how important self-care is for our mental health.
What stood out to me, though, was that self-care looks different for everyone. For some, it’s all about making time for fun, while others focus on rest and recharging. That made me wonder: what does real self-care look like when you live with anxiety?
Anxiety brings its own challenges—things like trust issues and setting boundaries—that can be emotionally and physically exhausting. So, I took some time to reflect on what self-care really means for me. I came up with five things that have truly helped me manage my anxiety and, more importantly, learn to put myself first.
These five things changed everything for me. They helped me stop putting others first at the expense of my own happiness, and once I realized that taking care of myself wasn’t selfish but necessary, everything started to shift. I began to heal, grow, and feel more in control of my life.
Here’s what I did.
1- I stopped letting other people determine my schedule.
The people pleasing side of me had me believing that I had to eat, sleep, wake up etc when it was convenient for the person I was living with, be it a partner or parent or whatever.
That meant that I couldn't do what I wanted when I wanted to.
Now, I give myself permission to eat supper at 10pm if I want to, or get up and read a good book at 4am if I want. It helps that I live alone, but even if it didn't, I’d still do these things.
Just allowing myself to be, without fear of ‘getting in trouble’ has been incredibly liberating.
One thing that really helped me during this phase was getting to know myself and figuring out what truly matters to me. Once I understood my own priorities, it became so much easier to put myself first—instead of always letting other people’s needs come before my own.
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2 - I started setting better boundaries
Again, the people pleasing side of me had no boundaries at all and I had a hard time saying no to things I didn't really want to do.
As a result I often got walked all over by people pretending to be friends.
There’s nothing wrong with being a giving person, and I still am, but I’m also cautious of people who ask a lot but give very little in return, or who don't give the same energy in return.
The lesson here is to be careful of people who continuously overstep your boundaries. They don't respect you.
Setting boundaries and sticking to them lets you know who’s using you and who genuinely wants your friendship.
It also takes a lot of stress, tension and drama out of the friendship and your life because you’re not going back home and ruminating about it and beating yourself up for not speaking up.
3 - Setting my own routine.
One thing about me is that I love my work. I literally get up at 4am excited for the day.
My work gives me a sense of purpose and fulfilment and makes me happy.
But a lot of people see this as me being a workaholic and I’ve been told many times to ‘balance things out more’ - ie get away from the desk and force myself to do things they consider fun.
Yes, I love being outdoors and exploring my city like a tourist, but I also love dedicating time, energy and mind space for that fun.
If i'm thinking about work and stressing about a deadline I’m missing then that day out is no fun for me. Since I’m lucky enough to be my own boss I get to decide what to do when.
Setting your own routine and doing what YOU love is about going with your own flow, not with what you think you should be doing.
Working when you’re in the zone produces better results faster. Resting when you’re ready to rest allows you to get deep rest and really enjoy the moment you’re in.
When you get to decide when to do what, that’s its own kind of freedom.
This little shift also meant that I stopped burning out because I wasn't pushing when I didn't have energy so that I could follow someone else’s routine/ schedule for fun.
As a direct result I had fewer panic attacks too.
4 - Resting when I got tired
Living with anxiety means that I get exhausted really quickly.
For years I tried to fight this, but that only led to me burning out faster and having more panic attacks.
Now I've just learned to accept that I don't have as much energy as others do. And instead of pushing through it, I’ve learned how to tell when I’m getting tired, and then I make time for rest.
Sometimes this looks like an afternoon nap and sometimes it’s a 20 min mini break every 2 hours.
Whichever I choose, the results are the same. Because I recharge my batteries before I feel tired I manage to get 12 hours of work done every day instead of the normal 8 hours if I pushed while tired.
So, I’m not only more productive, I don't burn out anymore either.
5 - Pacing myself
Another reason I don't burn out anymore is that I pace myself with whatever I’m doing.
If I have a big DIY project I make sure to get up and stretch my body regularly to avoid muscle pain later on.
If I’m working I keep my to-do list very short so that I can focus on those tasks properly.
So, essentially, my version of self-care is about moving my life and business forward without triggering my anxiety, burning out or feeling trapped by bad habits.
These are just a handful of the many self-care practices I follow to keep my anxiety in check.
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