6 Things you're doing that only makes your rumination worse
If you don’t quite know what rumination is, here’s a little rundown.
Rumination is when you tend to think about things that happened to you in the past that cause you emotional pain. You don’t plan for it to happen, it just kind of pounces on you.
Rumination is usually brought on by a trigger which is something that reminds you of that painful experience.
And even though you might think that indulging in that ruminating thought can somehow help you figure out why that happened to you and what you can do to avoid it in the future, rumination does nothing good.
The reason for this is that in order to solve any problem we need to think about that situation objectively and separate ourselves from the emotional surge we feel when we think of past hurts.
When we ruminate those memories bring up all that emotion, and when we experience these intense negative emotions it’s really difficult to think objectively and separate ourselves from the situation.
Basically when you ruminate, you're’ too emotionally involved to figure the situation out in any helpful way.
But what makes rumination so bad anyway?
And why is it such a dangerous trap to fall into?
Rumination doesn’t just remind you of that painful situation you went through. It brings up all sorts of negative emotions which eventually leads to some really dangerous negative self-talk.
It’s like having a bully living right in your head, breaking you down 24/7.
Rumination has even been linked to depression, anxiety, self-harm, addictive behaviour and even suicide.
The tricky thing about rumination is that the very strategies that we THINK will help us get over it are the exact ones that make it worse.
That’s why I created an ebook with real strategies, worksheets, exercises, journal prompts and inspiring quotes where you’ll learn everything you need to know about rumination and how to stop it so that you can take back your power over your life.
The 6 Things you’re doing that make your rumination worse
It’s important to understand what makes rumination worse, and why, so that you can avoid these activities at all costs when rumination hits. This is so important if you want to stop rumination forever and heal from those negative thoughts that come up as you ruminate.
#1 journalling
One of the biggest mistakes you can make when trying to stop rumination is to start journaling about all the thoughts, memories and emotions that come up.
I know this may feel like the right thing to do, but indulging those thoughts and delving into them when you’re ruminating is the last thing you should be doing.
That’s because rumination isn’t based in reality, it’s based on negative emotions that your mind has convinced itself are reality.
Convinced being the key word here.
It’s like wearing blue tinted glasses and being convinced that the entire world has a blue tint to it. There’s no way you’ll be able to see the true colour of things till you take those glasses off. The negative self-talk you feel as a result of rumination is like those blue tinted glasses. They change the way you see the world and yourself in it.
So the more you journal about those ruminations, the more those negative emotions come up and the more you reinforce the negative self-talk that comes up as a result.
Remember that rumination and the negative self-talk that comes with it is your own inner bully, amplifying every negative thing you experience to make you feel bad about yourself.
When you journal about your ruminations, you’re only paying more attention to those hurtful memories and the negative self-talk that has no basis in reality and that are so damaging. You are feeding into those negative thoughts, and perpetuating the cycle of rumination.
You’re just giving that inner bully a voice.
#2 paying attention to those negative rumination thoughts
When those ruminations and negative self-talk do come up the worst thing you can do is stop what you’re doing to ‘listen’ to those thoughts.
This is similar to journalling in that you’re entertaining those thoughts and allowing them into your mind and life.
When you do this you’ll find that they take up more and more time in your day, and more and more space in your head. You will eventually find that whenever you're still, those ruminations come flooding in.
You are essentially reinforcing the habit of ruminating and this makes it harder to break later on.
#3 believing the negative thoughts that come as a result of rumination
Ruminations are sneaky little bullies.
You think about them because your mind is trying to find some reason for that painful situation in the first place and somehow you've decided that it’s all your fault. If only you hadn’t said ‘this’ or hadn’t don't ‘that’, things would have turned out better. Eventually that inner voice tells you that you failed because you’re useless, or you won't ever be able to do anything right
But, believing that negative self-talk is only going to cause you a lot more damage in the long run.
That’s why, as hard as it’s going to be, you need to make a conscious effort NOT to believe that negative self-talk.
#5 ignoring the negative thoughts
While you shouldn't believe those negative thoughts and ruminations, it’s important not to ignore them either. I know this sounds like a contradiction, but hear me out.
When we try to actively ignore rumination when it comes up, it has the same effect as trying to hold a balloon under water. It just comes back up with more force.
Have you ever tried to completely clear your mind when something is worrying you? It feels impossible to just ‘stop worrying’. It’s not about will power, it’s just how our brain is wired.
Instead of trying to ignore ruminations you’ll need to learn to distance yourself from the emotions it brings up in you. Then let the thought play out, and once it’s done don't re-visit it, just carry on with your day.
I like to add a little step here.
I imagine myself giving that past self a hug and saying “it’s ok”.
This allows me to see that rumination without experiencing the negative self-talk that comes after. It also stops me from revisiting that rumination over and over again as the day goes on.
This allows me to take my power back.
#6 Using distractions and diversions (hobbies)
I love hobbies, I think they are a great way to express yourself and be creative and they can be incredibly fulfilling. But they just don't work to diffuse ruminations or negative self-talk at all.
While distracting yourself might seem like it’s working at the moment, that negative self-talk or rumination won't go away just because you’re ignoring them or distracting your mind with something else.
That’s because when you use hobbies to distract yourself, you’re not actually dealing with the emotions and root cause of the rumination and why they pop up in the first place.
It’s a lot like trying to get rid of the weeds in your garden by covering them with soil. Yes, you might hide them for a day or 3 but eventually they will pop back up, and with stronger roots too.
The longer you let rumination fester, the more damage it causes.
Other things that don't work to stop rumination and negative thinking patterns:
- Using Drugs and alcohol
- Bargaining with the negative thinking part of your mind
- Sleeping it off
How do we stop ruminating?
Your mind can be so difficult to control that it can sometimes feel like it has a mind of its own.
If you’ve ever tried meditating deeply for the first time then you know what I mean. The moment you tell your mind not to think, then a million and one thoughts pop into your head. It’s like trying to dig a hole in the beach - it just keeps filling up with sand.
So, simply telling yourself to stop ruminating isn't going to work at all.
Thankfully there are strategies out there to effectively stop rumination.
Here’s a little fun fact about me. Rumination almost ruined my life.
A few years ago I was in such a bad state that I couldn't even drive or talk to strangers.
My rumination had broken my self-esteem and self-confidence down to nothing and I really felt like nothing. I felt worthless and I was depressed and suicidal. I used to break myself down all the time, thinking about the past and feeling useless. This held me back which only made me feel even more useless.
My turning point was when I decided to start healing myself. I had been going to a psychologist for more than a year with very little change, so I decided to take things into my own hands. I started to research what was going on with me as well as the strategies I could use to get myself out of the depression I felt.
Eventually I found the kind of strategies I needed to stop those ruminating thoughts. Even though I didn’t quite believe in them at the time I put all my effort into applying those strategies. I figured that I had nothing to lose by trying.
That decision changed my life forever. No exaggeration.
My self-esteem started healing and I don't ever hold myself back or break myself down anymore. I don’t ruminate anymore and I honestly feel like a different person. And I've never looked back.
I’m confident, calm, happy and just so grateful for the journey I took to get here.
If you’re ready to revamp how you deal with stress, find clarity in your life's purpose, boost your self-esteem and shower yourself with self-compassion then my “The Zen of Living” ebook bundle is exactly what you need.
In this collection of powerful strategies and expert insights you’ll learn how to overcome negative self-talk, break the cycle of overthinking, and conquer social anxiety. Free yourself from the clutches of overwhelm.
