How the right habits can help you manage your anxiety
When I first learned about the coping strategies that worked the best for me I found that even though they were great strategies, I’d forget to use them when I needed them the most. Mostly because my brain was so preoccupied with the panic attack I was about to have that I couldn't think about the strategy and the steps I needed to take to apply it.
It took me years before I finally found a way to apply these strategies on total autopilot. The bonus is that I start applying them way before a panic attack hits, so it helps me avoid the panic attack altogether.
How did I do this?
I turned that coping strategy into a solid habit while setting my mind to breaking the bad habits that were contributing to my anxiety.
I know it’s been said a million times, but it really is true: your habits really can either make or break you. The habits we nurture shape our lives in invisible but powerful ways.
And, when it comes to learning how to manage your anxiety, the habits you create now will become your best friends later on. That’s because the good habits will take a lot of the strain out of having to consciously think about applying the coping techniques that work for you every time you need them.
So, what exactly are habits and why do they have so much power over us?
Habits are basically a series of actions that you perform on autopilot. It's a way to give your active conscious mind a mini-break while your subconscious mind takes over for a bit.
We all go through our daily routine without realising that much of what we do, we do out of habit. Think about brushing your teeth in the morning or making a cup of tea. You don't need to think through every little step in the process, you just do it.
Most of the time we’re not even aware of the habits we have, good or bad, because they seem to create themselves.
While this is great for the good habits, when it comes to the bad habits we have, this can leave us feeling helpless and powerless against them. It can feel like they have a life of their own and that they control you, not the other way around.
But, while it may be difficult to break bad habits, it is possible. And better yet, the best way to break a bad habit is by replacing it with good ones.
That means you can avoid a panic attack without even realising you are doing it, all because you established the right habits.
I go into more detail about how habits are created and how to break bad habits in my article “How to break bad habits that contribute to your anxiety”
What are the right types of habits for anxiety management?
We all know that there are some habits that are just plain bad for us. Eating too much junk food, not exercising enough, binge watching are all easy examples. But did you know that there are habits that make your anxiety worse too? And because you don't see it physically, they can slip by and we don't even notice we’re doing them.
Examples of habits that are terrible for your anxiety will be things like:
- Indulging in the negative self-talk that your mind plays to your over and over
- Procrastinating things that you know will be good for you
- letting people or incidents work you up and get to you
- Neglecting yourself in any way
It’s not difficult to see why these are negative habits even for someone without an anxiety disorder. When you have an anxiety disorder you need to learn how to be kinder and more compassionate with yourself. That means setting up habits with kindness to yourself in mind.
I find that there are a specific set of habits that help me out the most when it comes to anxiety management and learning to be better to myself. These are things like:
- having a strong morning routine and
- focusing on my goals instead of overthinking or negative-self talk,
- taking care of myself and
- disengaging at the right times and when necessary, are all powerful tools when it comes to managing my anxiety.
Here’s a little rundown of these habits of mine. Try them out and see if they fit with you and help you manage your anxiety too. They might not all work for you, we’re all different, but even if only one sticks and helps you manage your anxiety then it’s a win.
1 - having a morning routine
Having a morning routine made up of activities that leave me feeling good about myself really helps me to boost my self-esteem, self-belief for the day. It also helps me calm my anxiety for the day.
Why it works:
A routine is something you can rely on to be consistent, giving your anxious mind a chance to rest, because it knows what’s coming. It’s soothing.
The morning routine gives you a sense of control over the day and stability that gives you something positive to wake up for.
I find that the best morning routine is made up of a series of 4 - 5 actions that you perform first thing in the morning. The best kind of actions to add to your morning routine are things that leave you with a sense of accomplishment for very little effort. This sets a positive tone for you to start the day with.
The first 2 hours of the day determine how the rest of your day will go, so if you have a bad morning, chances are the rest of your day will be difficult.
Having a morning routine takes chance out of that equation. You take control of your mornings and ensure that your day goes better.
I’m not saying that you’ll never have a bad day again, but by taking control of your mornings you set the right tone for the day, making it easier to manage.
The trick here is to take control of how you start each day by creating a positive morning ritual that works for you.
What you add to this routine can be highly personal, but this is a good opportunity to break some bad habits with good ones. If, for instance, you usually rush breakfast and end up eating badly as a result, you can work ‘create & eat a healthy breakfast’ into your routine.
My routine looks like this:
- Make bed
- Tidy kitchen
- Eat healthy breakfast
- Morning pages and plan my day
Each of these small actions requires minimal effort to get right, yet when I’m all done I feel proud of myself because I can see the difference. Starting the day off with a small win and a self-esteem boost is never a bad idea.
How to make it work for you
I like going through a few prompts first thing in the morning to get my mind focused on what I want to achieve for the day. This helps me focus on my goals and helps me silence that negative self talk and rumination that often comes with having anxiety. If you want to know what my prompts are and how to use them you can find them in my free guidebook: morning pages planner.
You can use this to help you establish a positive morning routine for yourself. Just go through the prompts first thing in the morning to help you set the tone for your day.
2 - focus on goals instead of overthinking
One of the most powerful habits I’ve established involves learning how to stop overthinking and ruminating by focusing on something positive. Once this became a solid habit I saw my self-esteem grow and I started taking control of my life more and more each day.
While overthinking once in a while is totally normal, especially when we are about to make a big decision, overthinking goes to a whole new level when you live with anxiety.
In an article in Psychology Today, psychotherapist Amy Mortin describes overthinking as ‘an inner monologue that includes two destructive thought patterns—ruminating and worrying’.
The result of all this overthinking is that we feel like we don't deserve the things we really want in life. We feel useless and these thoughts break us down. That’s aside from the energy it takes from us both physically and emotionally. This kind of over thinking can leave you feeling so depressed that you just want to give up trying to do anything with your life at all. It’s something that I’ve lived with for many years, and I know, it’s a horrible thing to live with.
Why it works.
The only real way to stop overthinking is by breaking the thought cycle and focusing on something else. This something else needs to be so powerful that it takes your mind off all those thoughts. This is called “changing the channel” on your mind.
My ‘powerful thing’ was my goals. I found that when I focus on my goals, I do more than just break that thought cycle I started creating the type of future that I really want to live.
This made thinking about my goals and actually working towards them highly addictive, which is exactly what you need to break a bad habit.
How to make it work for you.
-Start by creating a set of goals that you badly want to achieve, and then set a deadline for them.
-Then, whenever you start overthinking and your anxious mind starts taking over, take a second, stop, then start thinking about the next step you need to take to racing your goals.
-What’s even more effective is to actually start working on your project right then and there.
So you're overthinking becomes a cue that triggers you planning and thinking about your goal. The reward is how good you feel when you take even the smallest step towards your goal.
Do this often and your mind will start automatically switching gears for you, effectively breaking the habit of overthinking. Eventually this becomes a habit that will happen on autopilot and your overthinking will stop almost completely.
3 - self-care
Self-care is all about nurturing yourself and showing yourself that you love you enough to put you first. It goes beyond pamper sessions, and it shouldn't be a once-a-week or once-a-month thing either.
My own version of self care involves knowing when I need to rest, then actually taking that rest. This helps me avoid getting burnt out or overwhelmed. I chose this particular version of self-care because I noticed that I would push myself way too hard, but after a month or 2 I would totally burn out and fall back into the depression I was working so hard to get out of.
But, by allowing myself to rest when I’m tired I can pace myself and work constantly and consistently at my goals, keeping my anxiety at bay as I do.
Your own version of self-care may be different (or you could copy mine). I suggest picking something that you do that often leads to you sliding back into old self-destructive ways of doing things that make your anxiety worse. Then pay attention to yourself, how you feel and what you do just before that self-destructive habit pops up.
Now your job is to figure out ways to care for yourself and pay attention to yourself so that these self-destructive habits can take a back seat again.
Why it works
Effective self-care means actually taking good care of yourself. Things like eating properly, leading a balanced lifestyle, taking your meds daily, getting enough sleep, all add up and will help you manage your anxiety in a million little ways.
No one else is going to take care of you the way you can take care of yourself. As supportive as your support system may be, you still need to put in the effort you need to break free (or at least learn how to manage) your anxiety.
So, self-care in this instance is quite literal. You need to take care of yourself and treat yourself with care and kindness. Learn when to rest, learn how to eat better to feed your body and mind, do things that break bad habits that contribute to your anxiety.
When you start to focus on yourself in this way you can start to heal in a million small ways.
What you can do today to start
Make it a habit to eat a good breakfast for instance, and sleep early enough so that you get enough rest for the coming day. Make a habit of pre-preparing to avoid a mad rush at the last minute, whether it’s making overnight oats the night before so that you eat a better breakfast, or planning your week ahead of time so that you make sure you can fit everything you need to do into your schedule.
4 - disengaging
This may be the single most effective tool/ habit I’ve found to actively prevent a panic attack before it happens.
I’ve made it a habit to constantly monitor my anxiety levels throughout the day. It helps to know what my anxiety triggers and symptoms are, so that if I encounter a trigger, or I feel an anxiety symptom (like clenching my jaw) getting stronger I know that I need to disengage immediately.
This works best if it’s a situation that I have no control over. There will be some situations where this is not the way to go, like an emergency situation where you need to act fast. But if I’msimply stressed about a traffic jam for example, then this is an ideal opportunity to disengage to calm yourself down.
To disengage from a stressful situation I try to separate myself from the situation - physically. Sometimes just walking away and taking deep breaths to calm back down, or having a good quick cry to get it all out helps. At other times I need to put more effort into it and actively change the channel on my mind. I start to think about what I still need to get done for the day and how to go about doing them. This is usually enough to break the thought cycle that was triggering me.
Another way to do this is to focus on your senses.
How and why it works
Disengaging is a bit like ‘changing the channel’ on your mind.
You do this by focusing your senses intently on something other than the situation that’s stressing you out.
Focus on the song playing on the radio, or a sweet or gum you are eating, or a flower. Use anything that grabs your attention. Now, pay attention to each of your senses one by one. What does the gum taste and feel like in your mouth? What elements of the song draw your attention, what colours can you see in the flower?
By giving your mind something new and neutral to focus on before the panic attack even nears, you actively divert yourself away from the panic attack altogether. You give your mind a chance to unwind a little, just enough to avoid a full-blown attack.
The trick is in knowing when to do this.
If you imagine a scale with levels from 1-10, 10 being a full-blown panic attack at its worst, 1 being totally chilled and happy with life, and 5 being somewhere in-between. You’d implement this strategy when you feel yourself hitting 7 or 8.
Stopping a panic attack using dissociation happens way before the anxiety even gets out of control. If you focus on that cue (your anxiety trigger) and stop your attack with dissociation, then reward yourself afterwards, you can effectively start establishing this as a habit that will stop your panic attacks automatically.
It may not work every time, some situations may be too intense, or you catch it too late, but it will work most of the time.
Applying new habits to your life
Take some time and assess your life. Figure out things like:
How does your anxiety manifest?
What habits do you have that are helping or hurting you?
What can you change?
Then take it one step at a time and establish one habit at a time. Slow, steady and consistent is the way to go here. Too fast and you’ll get totally overwhelmed and won't be able to stick to anything. This makes it more likely that you’ll give up and all your progress will be lost.
Habits are a powerful tool that you can use to create the type of life you want to live. They can help you succeed in life and manage your anxiety too. With the right habits, you can take back control and start living your life instead of letting your anxiety live it for you.
It all starts when you figure out what type of habits you need to create. The right habits will help you manage the worst aspects of your anxiety. Coupled with the right medication, habits like having a morning routine, focusing on your goals, practising self-care and disengaging at the right times can help you manage your anxiety and bring it down to manageable levels so that you can focus on living your life.
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