Understanding anxiety
Anxiety disorders can be difficult to understand if you’re not the one going through it. It’s not surprising either considering that there are over 200 possible symptoms of anxiety and numerous types of anxiety that one could be suffering from.
To help demystify this surprisingly common disorder I’ve compiled a list of questions that people with anxiety often get asked. If you have a loved one that is living with anxiety, and you are struggling to understand it, then these questions and answers may help you understand what they are going through and why they act the way they do.
If you are the one living with anxiety then you know that one of the hardest things you will have to do on your road to recovery and learning to live with anxiety lies in having to talk about it, especially to family and friends.
Not many people will understand what you are going through and this can come across in the form of strange responses and criticisms or questions you may find difficult to answer. But this shouldn’t stop you from speaking about your anxiety and getting the support you need. The support you get from friends, family and professionals are an integral part of the recovery process. It is not something you can just skip over, even though you may want to.
To help you talk about your anxiety I’ve compiled a list of FAQ’s to help you answer any questions that you may find difficult to answer.
Remember that most people are ignorant because they don’t know any better. Few people talk openly about their anxiety, so those who don’t suffer from it have no idea what you’re going through. This is one of the reasons why it’s so important to talk about anxiety and depression and other mental illnesses.
You can help them understand by providing them with the information they need, in a way that they can understand. Ted talks are a great way of informing people about anxiety and depression, and there are books and journal articles out there that will also help.
How do you even begin having this conversation with your loved ones?
Well, for one, when you first tell them about your battle with anxiety you can expect many questions and even some push back. Stay calm, this is normal. It always takes people some time to become used to a new idea. Be patient with them and go slow. Let them ask their questions and answer them as simply as possible. Remember that they have no idea what you are going through.
Here are some commonly asked questions and their answers to help you through this stage of the process. You can direct them to this page or print it out for later.
If there are any questions I missed, let me know in the comments below, as well as how you would answer them.
FAQ:
- What is an anxiety disorder?
While a bit of anxiety now and then, like just before an exam or interview, is normal and part of life, anxiety becomes an actual disorder when this anxiety never fades. Imagine feeling as though you are just about to write an exam every day of your life. This is what people with anxiety disorders feel like all the time.
Anxiety becomes a serious problem when the “..symptoms become chronic and interfere with our daily lives and ability to function..” (Source 4: Psych central ).
Anxiety disorders are not imaginary disorders either, they are very real and often changes the way you think, alters your hormone levels, and changes your perception and awarenesses (Source 3: The Calm clinic ).
This is why people with anxiety disorders cant simply ‘get over it’.
There are over 200 symptoms of anxiety disorders and several different types of anxiety disorders. One person may be suffering from social anxiety while another may have OCD. The treatments for each may be very different, and dependant on the severity of the symptoms. There is no one size fits all remedy for anxiety because it presents differently and has different causes for different people.
Depending on your symptoms one could be suffering from one or more of the following anxiety disorders (amongst others):
- Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
- Panic disorder
- Agoraphobia disorder
- Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD/ social phobia)
- Specific Phobia (simple phobia)
- Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
- PTSD
- Major Depressive Disorder
- Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD)
(source) 1, 2,4)
- Is anxiety disorder a real thing?
Absolutely, yes.
The term ‘anxiety disorder’ refers to specific, psychiatric disorders that involve extreme and persistent fear or worry (The Anxiety and Depression Association of America ).
- What are the symptoms of anxiety?
There are hundreds of possible symptoms of anxiety that one could have. It all depends on the type of anxiety disorder that you suffer from. (Source 3: The Calm clinic )
The most common symptoms that anxiety sufferers experience include, but are not limited to: (The Mayo Clinic)
- Feeling nervous, restless or tense
- Having a sense of impending danger or doom
- Having an increased heart rate
- breathing rapidly
- Sweating
- Trembling
- Feeling weak or tired
- Trouble concentrating or thinking about anything other than the present worry
- Having trouble sleeping
- Gastrointestinal problems
- Having difficulty controlling worry
- Having the urge to avoid things that trigger anxiety.
- Why is it so important to talk about your anxiety disorder?
The only way to learn to live with and cope with anxiety is to understand it and have a support system that understands it too. When your loved ones and friends understand what you are going through they can be more compassionate and understanding about your symptoms, and can even help when you have a panic attack.
When you feel understood and accepted you can begin accepting yourself and learn coping mechanisms that will allow you to live with your anxiety.
- What causes it?
Anxiety disorders develop from a complex group of risk factors, including genetics, brain chemistry, personality and life events. It can sometimes be the result of side effects of certain medications or underlying health conditions. (The Mayo Clinic)
- Can children suffer from anxiety?
Yes. Children can suffer from anxiety too. In fact anxiety disorders affect 25% of children between the ages of 13 and 18 in the US (The Mayo Clinic).
- Are stress and anxiety the same thing?
No. stress and anxiety are not the same thing.
The main difference between stress and anxiety is that stress eventually passes and you feel normal again, while anxiety is persistent. The feeling of being highly stressed never really goes away. This can take a severe emotional toll on the person suffering with the anxiety disorder, and the consequences are serious and contribute to anxiety and depression (Source 6: The National Institute of Mental Health ).
- How do you fix an anxiety disorder?
Anxiety disorders are not easy to ‘fix’. You can’t simply pop a pill and wait for it to magically go away (if only it were that easy). It takes actual conscious effort, lifestyle changes, medication and supportive family and friends, for someone with anxiety to feel fairly normal and even begin to live a somewhat normal life.
To have the best chance of success you should get help early, stay active and avoid alcohol and drug abuse to reduce the impacts of the symptoms of your anxiety. (The Mayo Clinic)
A combination of therapy, medication and alternative treatments can help treat anxiety disorders (Source 1: The Anxiety and Depression Association of America ).
What not to do or say when someone tells you they have an anxiety disorder
When you first hear that a loved one is suffering from an anxiety disorder, your first instinct may be denial or to give advice, but right now they need your understanding more than anything else. Leave the advice and help to the professionals.
Giving unsolicited advice can even trigger a panic attack as the person feels even more isolated and misunderstood. They may become angry because you seem to refuse to accept the severity of what they are going through. By telling them that a tea or pill will fix all their problems you are making small of something that is very serious in their lives. There are no quick fixes to anxiety, but the person needs to know that they are in a safe space and are understood.
For this reason you should avoid the following:
- Don't tell them that it’s normal and they should just breath through it
While stress is a normal part of life, chronic anxiety and stress are not at all the same thing ( see above). When you have an anxiety disorder these stress levels never truly fade away. The person can never really relax and ‘let go’. It’s not a conscious choice, it’s the body and mind’s response to something.
- Don't ask them what they have to worry about, especially children
Anxiety disorders don’t stem from a conscious choice to worry about something. Anxiety disorders develop from a complex group of risk factors, including genetics, brain chemistry, personality and life events. It can sometimes even be the result of side effects of certain medications or underlying health conditions. (The Mayo Clinic ).
- Don't tell them to ‘snap out of it’
This could be one of the cruelest things to say to someone suffering from an anxiety disorder. There is nothing pleasant about having the disorder and many who live with it beat themselves up for having it and not being ‘normal’. If they could simply ‘snap out of it’ they certainly would. Unfortunately it’s not that easy.
- Don't tell them that they are being hyper sensitive
Yes, that’s exactly what an anxiety disorder is. People who live with an anxiety disorder are anxious and on edge the entire time, but it’s out of their control. Having an anxiety disorder makes you feel incredibly fragile, but they are not imagining it.
- Don't explain to them that what they are feeling isn’t real and that you know better
Never do this. You wouldn’t say this to a diabetic? Anxiety disorders are every bit as real as diabetes or heart conditions (Source 5: ADAA)
What they are going through is very real and very painful and can completely disrupt a person’s life. Put yourself in their shoes, learn to understand what they are experiencing and educate yourself before you break them down.
- Don't give quick fixes
You may be trying to help, but when it comes to anxiety there are no quick fixes. The mind has become wired to worry and fear and the body responds accordingly. Fixing one aspect without paying attention to the other is like putting a bandage on a snake bite. Sure you don’t see the bite anymore, but the venom is still in the body.
So, what can you do?
If you really want to help a friend who is suffering from an anxiety disorder, be patient and understanding of what they are going through and aware of how their anxiety manifests. If they turn down your invitations to go out, they may have a social phobia that gives them panic attacks just at the thought of being in a crowd of people. It’s not that they don’t like hanging out with you, it’s the anxiety. (opt for a more chilled intimate gathering).
It’s important to know that the person suffering from anxiety needs a strong support system (family friends and heath care practitioners) and that they will need to put in conscious effort every day to learn how to overcome this disorder. They will need encouragement and support, but it is doable.
Anxiety disorders can be incredibly frustrating, scary and lonely to go through, especially when loved ones don’t seem to understand. It’s the fear of being misunderstood and judged than prevents many people from talking about their battle with anxiety. Being silent about it and withdrawing becomes a kind of coping mechanism, but being silent is the worst thing to do.
If you don’t get help and never talk about your anxiety you will never really learn how to live with it and it will slowly and silently take over your life.
Talking about your anxiety is the first step in healing. It’s only when your support system - your close family and friends and professionals - understand what you are going through, and how to help that healing can begin. It all starts with a conversation.
Ted talks about anxiety
- How to cope with anxiety by Olivia Remes
- How I live with high-functioning anxiety by Jordan Raskopoulos
- There’s no shame in taking care of your mental health By Sango Delle
- How to start a conversation about suicide By Jeremy Forbes
- Don’t suffer from your depression in silence by Nikki Webber
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